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Takes a Spill
Written by D.D. Cooper
Supermarket Ext - Day
A desolate supermarket parking lot sitting atop a hill is scarcely filled with cars. BRANDON is walking from the supermarket with four full grocery bags. The bags contain various snacks and soda cans. BRANDON approaches his cars and fumbles around his pockets for his keys. He awkwardly finds his keys and presses the button to open the trunk of his car within his pocket. He puts two of the grocery bags in the back freeing up his left hand. Suddenly an elderly woman who is engaging in the same post-shopping activities, MARIANNE, a few spaces down speaks out to BRANDON.
MARIANNE
That’s a lot of soda.
BRANDON is caught off guard and takes a moment to realize MARIANNE is talking to him.
BRANDON
I’m an adult. I can make decisions for myself.
MARIANNE
Bad decision, so much sugar. You should try kombucha. It’s like organic soda.
BRANDON
What if I said the soda isn’t for me.
MARIANNE
I wouldn’t believe you.
BRANDON
Maybe mind your business lady.
MARIANNE
My daughter is a law student.
BRANDON looks around not sure if MARIANNE is talking to him.
MARIANNE
If I saw her walking around with you I would scream bloody murder.
BRANDON
I’m not interested in your daughter.
MARIANNE
She’s getting married in the fall. Do you have a girlfriend?
BRANDON
That’s a personal question.
MARIANNE
No, I didn’t think so. It’s probably all that soda you drink.
BRANDON
I don’t just have soda in here. There’s carrots in here. Somewhere.
BRANDON shuffles around inside the grocery bags looking for a carrot. There is no carrot inside the grocery bags.
MARIANNE tilts her head looking past BRANDON curiously.
MARIANNE
Is that Burt’s Bees?
BRANDON gives a confused look and then reaches inside the bag in his right hand. Reaching to the very bottom he pulls out a stick of Burt’s Bees lip balm.
BRANDON
Oh yea, it’s for my mom.
MARIANNE
Shoulda got some for yourself, your lips are chapped.
BRANDON absentmindedly checks his lips with his free hand and stops immediately. BRANDON puts the Burt’s Bees lip balm in his pocket.
MARIANNE
Here I have a few, you want some?
MARIANNE pulls several sticks of Burt’s Been lip balm, and sorts through.
BRANDON
No, that’s alright.
MARIANNE gives BRANDON a disappointed look and puts the sticks back her bag.
A beat of silence as MARIANNE and BRANDON sort of look at each other.
BRANDON frees his right hand of one of the two grocery bags that have been living there for what feels like weeks at this point.
MARIANNE
Do you live with your mother?
BRANDON drops the final bag and soda spills on the ground.
BRANDON simply sighs at this at picks up the bag and the broken soda can.
MARIANNE
I love weddings. My daughter is getting married in the fall.
BRANDON
Yea, you mentioned.
MARIANNE
I feel bad for your mother.
BRANDON closes the trunk of his car and gives no response.
MARIANNE
You should move out y’know. Live on your own. Stop drinking that soda.
BRANDON gets in his car.
BRANDON
I never said I lived with my mom.
MARIANNE tuts her finger.
BRANDON scoffs and starts up his car.
MARIANNE begins to hum the Gayatri Mantra and dances softly applying lip balm to her lips.
BRANDON confusedly watches, looks around, then drives off.
MARIANNE continues to dance.
CUT TO:
Apartment Int - Afternoon
BRANDON ascends the stairs with his hands full of groceries.
As he reaches the top of the steps he fumbles around with his keys and manages to open the door with the grace of an elephant in a pumpkin patch.
BRANDON’s mother, MIRANDA, stands in the kitchen chopping some vegetables.
MIRANDA
How was the grocery store.
BRANDON
Fine. Some lady wouldn’t stop hounding me about my purchase.
MIRANDA
What?
BRANDON
She was bitching at me about buying soda.
MIRANDA points at BRANDON with her knife.
MIRANDA
Hey what did I say about that word in my house! Not as long as live! You not describe women with that word.
BRANDON
She was bitching at me, I wasn’t calling her a b-word ma.
BRANDON puts his bags on the counter.
MIRANDA
I swear to god BRANDON, you’re gonna make me burst a blood vessel in my forehead or something.
MIRANDA resumes chopping.
MIRANDA
What was bitching at you for?
BRANDON
Me buying soda. Can you believe that?
BRANDON unloads case of Mr.Pibb and some other cheap off brand sodas.
MIRANDA
She’s right you know. Shouldn’t be drinking all that soda.
BRANDON
I’m an *adult* ma. I can make decisions for myself, Jesus Christ.
MIRANDA
And the lord’s name in vain. Who did I raise, Mussolini? If I did I’d hope he have more ambition. Be a leader.
BRANDON
I ain’t no fascist dictator ma.
MIRANDA
I’m just saying she’s right about the soda.
BRANDON
Couldn’t of said Malcolm X?
MIRANDA
Did you get me my Burt’s Bees.
BRANDON
Yea it’s in here.
BRANDON digs around the bag and cannot find the lip balm.
BRANDON
Where is it?
MIRANDA
It’s not in there? You didn’t get it?
BRANDON
No I just had it.
MIRANDA ceases her chopping again.
MIRANDA
Jesus Christ Brandon you forgot my Burt’s Bees!? My lips are got chap and turn to crust and fall off!
BRANDON
Ma like I said I just had it, it was here.
MIRANDA
Don’t piss me off Brandon I’ve got enough on my plate! All I do for you and you can’t even get my goddamn Burt’s Bees.
BRANDON
It’s in here just give me a second!
BRANDON searches with increased haste and h=in his fervor spills a can of Mr. Pibb.
MIRANDA
You already checked that bag! You didn’t get it! You didn’t get it, did you?
BRANDON
I swear to god I-
BRANDON realizes he put the stick in his pocket earlier and pulls it out.
BRANDON
Here, found it.
He gives the stick to his mother. She takes it from him and gives him a look that dart player gives a bullseye. She resumes chopping.
MIRANDA
She was right Brandon you gotta stop drinking that soda.
BRANDON
Lay off ma! I’ an adult!
MIRANDA
You know, I read that Dr.Pibb causes apathy.
BRANDON
What! First off, It’s Mr.Pibb ma. Mr. Pibb. Furthermore, it does not cause apathy! Do you even know what that word means?
MIRANDA
It means its no good. Too much sugar.
BRANDON
I have a job. I pay bills. I can make decisions for myself thank you very much.
BRANDON grabs a MR. PIBB and begins to walk towards his room.
MIRANDA
The thanks is nice. Hardly ever hear that.
BRANDON
Thank you for everything yo do ma!
MIRANDA
Dinner will be ready in 15 minutes! Soup!
BRANDON goes to his room and plops down on his chair with soda and begins to play Civilization VI.
MIRANDA applies the Burt’s Bees to her lips and begins to hum the Gayatri Mantra. She finishes chopping the vegetables and puts them in the pot.
BRANDON does not notice as his gaming headphones are now placed squarely on his head.
CUT TO:
Tent - Int Night
We find ourselves in a decent-sized quiet candle-lit tent. Two chairs are placed across from each other at a table. The table is adorned with a single candle. There is no sound, no movement, not a whisper. Just the soft song of a subtle wind.
MARIANNE and MIRANDA enter from opposite exits.
They startle each other with their simultaneous entrances.
MIRANDA
Oh my god!
MARIANNE
Oh! Sorry.
MARIANNE chuckles a bit. MIRANDA joins.
MIRANDA
I lost track of time and thought I was gonna be late! How was your drive here?
MARIANNE
I swerved and hit a turtle.
MIRANDA
Well it’s nice to meet you, I’m Miranda. Marianne?
MARIANNE
Yes, that’s right! It’s a pleasure.
MARIANNE
Likewise! I hear your daughters getting married!
MARIANNE
Oh yes! She’s just decided on sea-foam green accents for the decor.
MIRANDA
I love that color!
MARIANNE
Me too!
MIRANDA
How wonderful! Shall we?
They sit at either side of the table
MIRANDA
How long have you been practicing?
MARIANNE
I bought a book on amazon for 19 dollars last week.
MIRANDA
That’s a great deal.
MARIANNE
Right?
MIRANDA
Let’s get started then.
They join hands and close their eyes to begin.
MIRANDA
We pray in the name of the winds that move this wicked wonderful world.
MARIANNE
That Brandon stop defiling his being and cleanse his spirt.
MIRANDA
Have him move in the light of truth and the love of our holy dominion.
MARIANNE
Have Brandon quit esploda habit. Sploda? Oh. Blah blah blah.
MARIANNE opens here eye and laughs. MIRANDA’s eyes follow.
MARIANNE
Sorry! *His soda habit*. What did I say? I meant to say soda habit, my tongue must’ve slipped.
MIRANDA joins in the laughter.
MIRANDA
That’s ok, it’s alright. Let’s say the last part together. From “We humbly”.
They close their eyes once more.
MIRANNE and MIRANDA
We humbly direct the tides to our subtle discretion, have Brandon quit his *soda* habit.
Their eyes open.
MARIANNE
I still can’t believe I said, what? Explode?
MARIANNE laughs and MIRANDA follows suit.
MIRANDA
That’s so silly, what is that?
MARIANNE
I have no idea.
MIRANDA
Sounds like the name of another terrible drink! Esploda!
They continue to laugh boisterously.
MARIANNE
Yea, one that has high-fructose corn syrup and kills you!
This sends them into a frantic fit of laughter.
MIRANDA
But you can’t stop drinking it because it’s so good!
MIRANDA falls out of her chair triumphantly as she laughs. But with her tumble the candle on the table gets knocked off balance and falls over onto the table.
MARIANNE
Oh Jesus!
MIRANDA quickly gets up to assess.
MIRANDA
What? Oh no!
MIRANDA sees the flame and they both begin to scream franticly.
MIRANDA
Towel! Baking Soda! Blanket!
MARIANNE
Oh shit shit shit!
MARIANNE gives MIRANDA a towel from her purse and MIRANDA beats down the flame. The flame is smothered and they both breathe heavily. They look at each other and both give a small chuckle that turns into a sigh.
CUT TO:
Apartment - Int DAY
BRANDON is playing Civilization IV and drinking Mr.Pibb as usual.
He gets a call and answers it not pausing his game.
BRANDON
What’s up?
BRANDON receives a piece of news.
BRANDON
What? No way.
BRANDON pauses Civilization IV.
BRANDON
Are you serious?
BRANDON goes to get up but moves to quickly and spills his soda.
BRANDON
Ah, geez.
BRANDON picks up some napkins from nearby and wipes the table. He cranes his neck to his door to peek down the hallway from his terrible vantage point. He responds to the caller.
BRANDON
Man. I guess I’ll have to figure out something.
The unseen caller gives a response.
BRANDON
Well thank you, I’ll see you.
BRANDON hangs up and takes a moment to think. He looks towards the door again. He decides to resume playing Civilization IV. He goes to take another mindless sip of his soda. After which he stops for a beat. He looks at his soda and decides, for some odd reason, to throw it in the trash. He looks back to his monitor and pauses Civilization VI. He does a large upward stretch and gets up from his seat. BRANDON walks over to the window and looks up at the sky thinking about life and death.